Go Elf Yourself!

26 Nov

1…2…3…4…FOUR!  That is the number of days it took for us to forget to move the elf! 

Our elf was purchased by a very well-meaning grandfather, who trudged out in the pouring rain to be one of the first to procure the Elf on the Shelf when he learned the author would be at a local book store.   The kids were so young at the time; we didn’t even open the box until the following year.  This is our third year “hosting” the elf in our home, and we still can’t get used to the nightly ritual of moving the elf around the house. 

Now, because of the elf, we have become big, fat liars!  On nights when we have forgotten to make the move, one or the other of us will remember in the morning and move the elf before the kids get downstairs…but not this morning!  Our tiny tornado (the middle-little) made it downstairs first and pointed out that the elf was still in the same spot.  Quick thinking Daddy reminded her that she was especially naughty the day before, and perhaps our elf was giving her another chance before he reports back to Santa.  Thankfully, Mommy and Daddy are on the same page with these white lies even without conversing, because my oldest came to report on the non-movement of the elf, and I fed him the exact story.  Kids believed it…crisis averted.

I often speak of the craziness that occurs on Pinterest, and the elf is no different!  People seem to go to all lengths to find new things to do with their elf.  Not us.  We are lucky just to remember to move the darn thing!  We did, however, start this tradition, the kids love it and we are stuck with it.  So, in the interest of the craziness with all things elf…here is what we’ve got!  I fully admit our inspiration was Dr. Seuss.  For whatever reason, when I think of the elf, all conversation happens as though it is part of Green Eggs & Ham!

Little-Shelf-Elf

I am Mom
Dad is He
Together we made three mini-MEs

Those mini-MEs
Those little selves
They sure do love those silly elves…
Those elves made to perch up on the shelf

For one whole month we join the craze
It seems to go on and on for days

We wrack our brains to hide this elf
But more often than not just use the shelf

We cannot, will not make you fly
On a zip-line way up high

The neighbor’s elf might bake a pie
While we’re content just placing you high…
High on a shelf, by your little elf self
That is enough!
Just on a shelf!

We will not pretend you know how to cook
We are lucky just to remember to dangle you from a hook!

No powdered sugar snow angels for you
Or cracker fishing in a toilet turned blue

We will not let you drink syrup or honey
You couldn’t possibly pay us enough money!

Some people really go to town
Isn’t it time they dial this down?
Isn’t he supposed to be Santa’s eyes?
A lookout… a scout…a spy…
How do they explain his reports to Santa?
“Had tea today with a toy panda…”
“Fishing was great…tasted kind of funny”
“Wanted to bake Baklava…forgot I already drank all the honey!”

Sometimes we think you are more trouble than you’re worth
A glorified snitch from birth
Late night and early morning relocation thoughts
Half asleep and in a haze, that shelf looks like a good spot!

Little elf!
Little elf!
For 30 days you keep us busy
Dizzy, really, keeping up

We’ll find simple hide-outs
Perhaps in a cup
But that’s all we’ve got
We give up!
We give up!

Little elf!
Little elf!
When did the shelf lose its luster?
We’ve given all the effort we can muster

Little elf!
Little elf!
You’re pushing us to the brink

You’re driving us crazy
And to drink, we think!

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2 Responses to “Go Elf Yourself!”

  1. Carole December 31, 2012 at 5:11 PM #

    Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!

    Like this

    • Our Life With Kids December 31, 2012 at 5:48 PM #

      To make it worse, my family apparently doesn’t read my blog…so we received a second elf in the mail, with an explanation of how wonderful this elf idea is!! Happy New Year, Carole!

      Like this

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